Two years ago, I had an interview to move to the marketing department, I was asked about my future plans and I said, I don't think I will still be an employee at a company after ten years, I want to teach… but I am gaining experience and see what is like to be here, hoping that it provides me with a background and insights that makes me a good unconventional teacher that makes learning an experience and a life style not just words ad theories kept for some while and dumped totally after the exams.
And now when I wake up everyday as the alarm rings I can almost hear a sound that says "It's Groundhog day" remember that movie … days are the same.
Same people, same attitude, same place, I don't find it any difficult now to predict their reactions or even the conversations as they are repeated ones.
No one has noticed it but this job has been draining, I am not the same, I am de-motivated and I do the tasks because I have to, not because there is any pleasure what so ever in doing them.
There has been another movie that tells a story about a teenage girl who had to work so she pretended to be a grown up and faked her identity. They believed her at a company and hired her and she did a very good job. That's what I have been doing for five years, except for the fraud part J .
I always feel I am playing a role of an efficient, serious and a hard working employee because deep down I knew it's not going to last, I considered myself undercover for some research reasons, or to expose myself to a broader environment so that when I get back to where I belong, I don't feel I missed a thing.
So where do I belong? well … I am responsible but I am very far from being a punctual employee if I was granted the opportunity, BTW I always arrive late at work but just because they view my as a very good employee, they don't really complain. I am moody I like painting, photography, reading and writing, I love music … used to play piano but not any more.
I also love teaching … all these things I find myself in … if I was to re-plan my life I would rather work as a part-time teacher and leave myself the space to enjoy my hobbies and may be utilize them and start a project of my own that fulfils my fascination for creativity, design interacting with people in a humanistic beneficial way.
My sister and I had the dream of having a book store that offers value as well as quality service to people … make them love and appreciate reading and learning.
I am just a disciplined person who doesn't permit herself to fail. And for that I missed all these learning experienced that I could have leaned from failing and screwing up, not to mention the pressure to keep things steady or the fear of letting go of the daily stable routine and go and give my dreams a shot.
Hope one day I wake up to find a brand new day.