Need a push!
What has come into me, I became so lazy these days… it’s not that I am frustrated or anything on the contrary, I have the motivation and yet I am not moving.
May be I need a push, not sure which kind of a push do I need but I can’t get myself to do anything for me… things mean a lot when it’s done for another person other than myself, that’s a push for me.
Last Saturday, I went shopping with my mother because she wanted to and was bored so I took her, we had a nice time and guess what I bought myself some stuff too so
apparently I needed it but didn’t realize it.
Went yesterday for lunch with some friends at work (not from my dept.) I enjoyed it but I was silent all the time, that’s strange …. I am a talkative person. I was really happy the weather was beautiful yesterday and I enjoyed the food and the coffee.
A similar incident happened with a friend of mine, I knew she had something to tell me and I didn’t answer the phone, I felt guilty after that as I wasn’t there when she needed me, the best I could do is I sent her sms and telling her to log on and we talked on the msn.
I am more patient now than I used to be, learned some of the rules of the waiting game. I like to try new things but I don’t like to be on my own so whenever I feel I am, I just lose interest and a voice comes from within myself saying “Abort…” .
I don’t like this state, and I didn’t want it to be noticeable, but seems it is… the office boy came to me just few minutes ago and asked “do u need anything”, I said “I guess u r busy, I would like some tea with milk when you can” . he made it in no time and came back asking if I am ok. They think I am upset because O has moved, may be I am… may be it was the push I needed to move it and do something for myself other than sitting still waiting and day dreaming. Don’t think so …
May be I need a push, not sure which kind of a push do I need but I can’t get myself to do anything for me… things mean a lot when it’s done for another person other than myself, that’s a push for me.
Last Saturday, I went shopping with my mother because she wanted to and was bored so I took her, we had a nice time and guess what I bought myself some stuff too so
apparently I needed it but didn’t realize it.
Went yesterday for lunch with some friends at work (not from my dept.) I enjoyed it but I was silent all the time, that’s strange …. I am a talkative person. I was really happy the weather was beautiful yesterday and I enjoyed the food and the coffee.
A similar incident happened with a friend of mine, I knew she had something to tell me and I didn’t answer the phone, I felt guilty after that as I wasn’t there when she needed me, the best I could do is I sent her sms and telling her to log on and we talked on the msn.
I am more patient now than I used to be, learned some of the rules of the waiting game. I like to try new things but I don’t like to be on my own so whenever I feel I am, I just lose interest and a voice comes from within myself saying “Abort…” .
I don’t like this state, and I didn’t want it to be noticeable, but seems it is… the office boy came to me just few minutes ago and asked “do u need anything”, I said “I guess u r busy, I would like some tea with milk when you can” . he made it in no time and came back asking if I am ok. They think I am upset because O has moved, may be I am… may be it was the push I needed to move it and do something for myself other than sitting still waiting and day dreaming. Don’t think so …
posted by Nesrina @ 1:33 AM
7 Comments:
At 6:29 AM,
Rain said…
I no this state.. maybe u r just enjoying being with urself , even if not doing anything for her..just being with her enjoying her company :)..i'm sure u've missed her a lot , esp. when u r busy all the time doing things for others or working.
P.S:
I noticed u no longer write "Dear" and "Yours" in ur posts.
At 1:34 PM,
The new kid in the blogger said…
being ourself is something that we lose slowly over time and discover all of the sudden that even if we want to be ourself we dont know how. so feel lucky that you at least still rememeber how it feels have a nice time with yourself I am sure it is a nice company:)
At 3:11 AM,
Nesrina said…
Dear Rain & NK
I don't enjoy my company these days as I am not myself, to me I am more fun so this lazy gloomy person is someone I am not used to and can't stand :) thought about traveling to refresh and recharge my batteries but haven't decided as yet.
Rain,
I no longer use "Dear and yours" well I am happy you noticed, but the theme of my blog was the letters but I have been blogging for a year now and it's kinda limitation and the last two posts I was in a revolution state on others and myself so it was part of it :)
At 1:34 PM,
The new kid in the blogger said…
mmmm traveling sounds nice but if not what will be the solution how we will get you out of this status?
At 12:54 AM,
Nesrina said…
Interesting question NK, well... if u discovered u no longer like your bed room and u spend there most of ur time, and want to change it but it's gonna take sometime, what will u do? sit still whining about it, or clear ur head and try to see how can u change it or replace it with a more enjoyable one and at the same time… u know u still have the rest of the apartment that u r satisfied with.
I want to travel to clear my mind, that will be in April isA, and meanwhile I will concentrate more on photography, friends and family, I know that can boost my mood :)
At 11:59 AM,
The new kid in the blogger said…
well I know what you mean but no one can change anything just al at once even if it a bed room so I will sure sit and clear my head and see how I want to change it and if I cant makeit all at once I can make a list and start with what I feel that it will make me feel much better if I change it and so on. and I will miss your writing when you travel:)
At 2:43 AM,
Nesrina said…
Dear NK,
Look I will be posting very shortly my attempt to enjoy another room and its result. for now I assure u it really works.
It takes time and strength to make a change when it comes to work and career so if u find u r feeling down u have to start and lift yourself up (through enjoying other rooms) and get back stronger and solid with a plan that can isA work. or at least the strength to hang in there and wait for the suitable opportunity.
As for my travel plans, thanks but it won't be for long and it's a domestic one... :)
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