I let me down
Dear,
As always I left the car registration renewal task till the very last minute and since I couldn’t take today off, my mother went to have it done for me. So I have a mixed feelings of guilt and gratefulness I feel towards her I have another problem.
My work is located in a remote area and all the employees have their rides.
I am not mean but I am really mad and that’s why I will going to say that; for a long time I used to drive my friend and colleague S to her home EVERYDAY till she got her car.
And even there is a new girl that I discovered by coincidence that she resides near by doesn’t have a car so I drive her too, and I call her everyday to ask if she’s ready to leave or shall I wait.
N once saw me doing that and asked “ do you drive her everyday?” with great astonished and I went like “yeah, she doesn’t have a car “. She replied back “ frankly speaking, I can’t do that…. Sometimes I am just not in a mood to talk and I like to drive alone without saying a word”.
I didn’t like what she said because she didn’t think about the other girl, what she is going to do, didn’t realize that the weather is cold and she can’t walk all the way till she finds a cab.
I won’t be judgmental and call it selfishness, but didn’t it just crossed her mind what the other girl would feel.
Today, I am facing this situation, it has passed 5:30 and I am still in the office.
S is too busy and has been weird since this morning, as she thinks I am going to take her place, weird thinking as if she doesn’t know me AT ALL. and N, I know her opinion about the whole thing.
I am feeling so bad and I just can’t go and ask anyone else, everybody asks for things … what am I afraid of, it can’t get any worse and yet I am still here writing about it.
The thing I hate the most is to let anyone down and what pops in my mind if I am being asked for anything is the fear I might not be able to be of help.
But how ironic, I let me down with this lame shyness and pride.
Your,
As always I left the car registration renewal task till the very last minute and since I couldn’t take today off, my mother went to have it done for me. So I have a mixed feelings of guilt and gratefulness I feel towards her I have another problem.
My work is located in a remote area and all the employees have their rides.
I am not mean but I am really mad and that’s why I will going to say that; for a long time I used to drive my friend and colleague S to her home EVERYDAY till she got her car.
And even there is a new girl that I discovered by coincidence that she resides near by doesn’t have a car so I drive her too, and I call her everyday to ask if she’s ready to leave or shall I wait.
N once saw me doing that and asked “ do you drive her everyday?” with great astonished and I went like “yeah, she doesn’t have a car “. She replied back “ frankly speaking, I can’t do that…. Sometimes I am just not in a mood to talk and I like to drive alone without saying a word”.
I didn’t like what she said because she didn’t think about the other girl, what she is going to do, didn’t realize that the weather is cold and she can’t walk all the way till she finds a cab.
I won’t be judgmental and call it selfishness, but didn’t it just crossed her mind what the other girl would feel.
Today, I am facing this situation, it has passed 5:30 and I am still in the office.
S is too busy and has been weird since this morning, as she thinks I am going to take her place, weird thinking as if she doesn’t know me AT ALL. and N, I know her opinion about the whole thing.
I am feeling so bad and I just can’t go and ask anyone else, everybody asks for things … what am I afraid of, it can’t get any worse and yet I am still here writing about it.
The thing I hate the most is to let anyone down and what pops in my mind if I am being asked for anything is the fear I might not be able to be of help.
But how ironic, I let me down with this lame shyness and pride.
Your,
posted by Nesrina @ 7:58 AM
3 Comments:
At 11:52 PM,
Nesrina said…
I know honey, it doesn't help AT ALL :)
At 9:06 PM,
Bee said…
I've been there, I just can't ask ANYBODY for anything. I just can't do it, it's beyond my ego. I don't know, I don't think it's necessarily a flaw, I think it's just too much pride in oneself, or maybe fear of being "let down"... I haven't thought about the negative side of it till I read your post.
At 8:48 AM,
Nesrina said…
Yes It's may be the fear of being "let down". And even at work sometimes I just do things that I shouldn't be doing or it's actually not my job just because I don't feel that people are reliable enough or this is an excuse not to ask. so for me I would rather exert double or triple the effort and not to save myself the embarrassment of this situation. Moreover, it shows on me ... when I have to ask for things I actually blush ... I hate that!
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