Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Heart talks

Truthful eyes are displays of the heart. We are born with pure hearts that their light glows and shine through the eyes. And nothing corrupts the heart more than giving up on it. Hearts need protection and needs recharging with hope and faith. Being connected with our hearts keeps revitalizing it.
My opinion there are many fatal diseases that can attack humans' hearts… greed, selfishness, cruelty, revenge, outraged jealousy, anger, frustration, lack of faith, ....
These heart diseases range from mild to extreme cases and one very apparent symptom seems to prevail in all cases … this person doesn't trust his heart any more and as a consequence …he revolves and disconnects his brain to work independently from his feelings, emotions and principles.
His heart gets rusty and dies … then his eyes will no longer reflect anything, and if they do … the picture will be a shrunk colorless dead muscle. A heartless person is a sick person with a great pain, he doesn't need to be judged but helped. Ironically his only cure is to be loved and believed in.
Back to the truly beautiful talks of the heart … don't know if I am alone in this but the most precious and wonderful words I have ever felt, I did not hear … I have seen.
Some words have become cheesy since they are greatly misused … if you know someone who has a history with flirting and he said I love you.., will you feel it? won't you question it?
If someone always turns into this kind and tender person when he wants something (a favor or anything) and then disappears. Would you trust a word from him.
Haven't you ever happened to see a colleague talking on the phone , saying great things, sucking up and at the same time he is making faces that he doesn't stand the person he talks to … or you know he is lying.
On the other hand, the number of times that I really wanted to say thanks … I couldn't find the words to express how I feel… "thank you" wasn't enough for me to say but I think that the way I said it and from my eyes I could say how grateful I was. Some other incidents where I couldn’t say something but it was felt…
It's very rewarding when someone comprehends what you want to say and responds as if he heard you asking yourself the question.
When you do not understand something and you find someone figured out that you need help and volunteers to clarify it for you. When someone you love is leaving and you look at him saying nothing but your heart is saying "please stay" and he does.

I can recall very brief heart conversations and though they were mute, they were very much felt and heard.

Friday, August 25, 2006

There once was a castle

The story begins one sunny day on a beach, saw beautiful castles built on the sand. I guess I couldn't recognize the fact that they were not real, they were built for fun and no one ever thought that they could be inhabited.
Dreamt of having a home of my own, not necessarily as big or beautiful as those castles and told myself no matter how humble it's going to be I will love it because I have made it.
Started to think of the shape of the castle I am going to build, got carried away … lost track of time. Forgot about the other castles and people.
The materials I used were sand, water, passion, dreams and love. My little castle started to take its shape. Wished to get some help but no one offered any…. have to admit I was too proud to ask.
Never lost hope that the one meant to share with me the castle would show up and get the castle done together.
Everyday I used to say he is coming tomorrow … started to get tired. And one day just saw someone standing near me, knew from the first moment that he is like no one else, felt as if I have seen him before, the guy of my dreams came out of my dreams and stood in front of me.
I was thrilled and the way he looked at me was as if he knew me too. Paused for a minute without saying a word till I felt it's awkward but in my heart I just felt …he is the one.
He never got any nearer but his presence gave me a big push. I worked harder and harder but kept wondering why he is keeping a distance. Is he waiting for a sign from me… what sort of sign does he need. Wouldn't that be against my pride ? finally just prayed he comes and decided to keep working.
Fell asleep and dreamt that the castle was built and became the most wonderful castle of them all. It was so warm and cozy, went to check out the rooms inside… loved everything about it, the colors, simplicity, an enchanting sunset view from the window, a very soft sound of music that I couldn't tell where is it coming from and the smell of freshly baked vanilla flavored cookies.
Got outside, looked at the direction of the sea , felt it was farther .. watched the sun getting smaller and turning into a darker orange color while sinking gracefully in the sea. Turned my head and looked around the castle and instead of the sand there was a very nice garden with white and pink roses across all sides and reddish brown rectangular pots of lavender and parsley near all the windows. While exploring the garden I happened to spot just one blue Iris flower in the middle of the greenery. Couldn't overlook the feeling that it's sad and lonely and for a reason I empathized with it.
I went and touched it very gently and all of the sudden, I found it aging, drying and wrinkling … the very smooth flower turned to a rough grainy powder in less than a minute. Guess the shock wake me up. Opened my eyes in to realize that it was a just a dream, but felt something in my hand, the same rough grainy powder. it was some grains of sand and found my castle all washed out. Just mild traces left.
No one was still on the beach, it was so cold and the sky was cloudy. Before I could stand up, it started to rain heavily to announce that it was winter already.
Looked further to see if anyone or any of the built castles still exist but they were all gone …
Now that I have learned from the best, I realize that it was all my fault … it's ok to chase your dream and try to make it real… but sand and water are never the right tools.
How come I wanted something so hard and I didn't build it as strong as it should have been.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Who owns the truth

Only Allah owns and knows the truth. But what about our struggle to know it, our need or even curiosity. I believe we are meant to be truth seekers otherwise things would have been much easier to comprehend.

Everyone has his/her own truth .. set of beliefs and perceptions built over years and form glass shields/ boundaries, that an outsider can not see. Only the one behind them is obliged to see through or even imprisoned in them.

Getting a feeling every once in a while that something is wrong, or missing and wanting to know the truth no matter what. Can result in one of these two scenarios as I believe :

First one: Having enough strength and courage to head wherever I expect to find another deeper or different kind of truth.. .breaking the shields and then eventually a wider space can be created/revealed to be owned, the cycle continues to get bigger and the boundaries get farther. And though there will always be limitations… a bigger world with a wider, multi angled view will emerge.

Second scenario: the attempt ends when the point comes to cross the line, a feeling of intimidation and captivation inside the glass cell starts to grow. Some negative thoughts about not having the willingness to know anything further, having the arrogance of the needless state to know what others say or what actually is going on. Believing that being sheltered in such a cocoon of thoughts and preset ideas is safe and shouldn't be contaminated under any circumstances. And in some cases, it's the advance desperation that I am not strong enough to embrace this truth and defend it.

But this cocoon is not that safe . It's as if you are closing your eyes, ears, heart and mind, disabling your senses but guess what … a shocking truth can always know its way to that shelter, attack really bad causing the shield to devastate resulting in immersing exposure to what you were always hiding from.

Don't know if the truth is relative or it's just everything is ,much more sophisticated than what we think it is.

How do you expect me to tell the truth when nothing can be accurately described or fairly measured?
A plant that I can see as clearly green will never stay as green. The one whom I think is a saint is just a human and may/will make mistakes. A reliable favorite piece of furniture can get broken the next day. My side of the story is never the same as my opponent's. And much different that the whole story from an eyewitness or outsider's point of view.

Even my feelings and emotions not just change but are not understandable to even me. so asking a question related to them will give you a different answer every time you ask even if we assume that the answers were going the same direction all the way, still they vary in their extent.

What made me think of all that … well, I just found myself 28 asking so many questions, wondering about many things and I am seeking to take a glimpse of truth.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

What can we do …

My opinion is, Egypt didn't play the role that was required from it during the Lebanese crisis causing great frustration and anger among Egyptians and generating many questions, energy and willingness to do anything to help our brothers and sisters .Watching from a distance was a nerve wrecking experience.
But the initiative to dedicate a hall in Ard El Ma3ared for Lebanon has given us the opportunity to share, help and participate … it's the least. But we needed it.
I went last Sunday, yesterday and today … you can see the improvement yourself, watching the number of volunteers increasing everyday. Not to mention the trucks and the boxes inside the hall pilling up and occupying more space everyday, and knowing when did the plane leave to deliver the stuff there. Mashaa Allah !
Yesterday and today when we left, we were really worried and kind of sad that we got so tired and couldn't continue helping the guys, still a lot to be done.
They all work very seriously, no talking, no time wasted, only workers getting the stuff out of the trucks and volunteers carrying, packing and labeling them.
When we reached there yesterday, we arrived at nearly 7pm, the guys were packing cheese, so in order to do that we had to carry them and put them in a spot across the hall. My friend (S) found out that our role was to pick up the cheese packs from one place to the other to be labeled … she looked at me and said "you said packing.. it's not what we are doing".
Today, was truly packing, …. After a while she told me "yesterday was easier, she
Looked extremely tired but she looked and said …still a lot of stuff, we have to come tomorrow. We came back sweaty and tired but we were happy.
If you are still wondering what can do, please go there it's Ard El Ma3ared – Nasr City, volunteer and give the guys a hand. Another thing, if you would like to share with purchasing stuff, I asked the Organizer there (his name is Gehad) and he told me they are short in Baby food (Gerber).

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Peace Now

Mixed feeling have come over everybody (happiness, fear,victory, sadness while watching the destructed beautiful country and deceased civilians, … )
The real victory for me is that the misery is over.
The Lebanese resistance has made us all proud after our governments have failed to be up to our expectations.
My prayers for peace as I know that Lebanon will be rebuilt again as long as the people have the spirit, faith and resistance. (God bless the martyrs).
The Lebanese conflict timelines (Continue)

Sayyed Nasrallah's speech - Rebuilding Lenbanon

Cautious relief greets ceasefire

Saturday, August 12, 2006

An ambiguous resolution ... is it???

UN calls for peace as fighting continues

Sounds good but read this...

Israel wages broader Lebanon attack

"A ceasefire that is incomplete is not a true ceasefire"Tarek Mitri, Lebanon's acting foreign minister.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Light at the end of the tunnel

My grandma used to say "As long as there is a night, there will be a day ”.

God created us and planted hope in our hearts, we are resonsible to keep it alive and give ourselves a reason to live .

Hold on, wait for the day you want to come, get up everyday to see if it's the one you are waiting or you have to wait one more day, make it happen and then treat yourself when you reach the end of the tunnel. Start thinking how … any ideas ? :)

"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all".

"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow them".

"He who does not hope to win has already lost".

"Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."

"Courage is fear that has said its prayers"

"Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible".

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Does that make my father a terrorist?

I guess I myself could be a terrorist too … how so? Well, let's begin with my father
He was a member of a big family, my grandfather was a military man and his brother was a pasha. He had four daughters and six sons including my dad.

On june 5th,1967 Israel attacked Egypt with no prior notification, one of my uncles was in the Egyptian Air force, his plane was targeted during the same year and he was killed.

My dad joined the Military Academy, he then graduated and got the chance to fight in 1973 war against the Israelis.

Does that make my father a terrorist?
He fought because it was his job, because it was a state of defense and to secure the lives we are having now.
It wasn't to revenge for his brother as he knew he is a martyr (shahid) … it's an honor to be one and because the martyr's in Islam is in heaven. (Here and here to develop a better understanding of the term and stop the confusion).

I asked him recently if he had captivated any of the opponent's army. He said yes … I asked did you hurt them? He said in an angry tone … they have tortured Egyptian captives. I then remembered a report I saw on Jazeera channel. And I knew that we didn't do the same otherwise where is their report.

Does that make my father a terrorist?
About the captives: Islam has limited killing the captives on the condition that they could cause harm and it has forbidden killing them in case they are women or children.

My father taught us since we were young to pray, fast, love everyone, help everyone, be truthful, honest and be companionate. he said that's how we should behave as Muslims. He has a beard and goes to the mosque to pray …
Does that make my father a terrorist?

My answer : no my father is not a terrorist, there are misconceptions that has to be explained so that we don't walk with the feeling that we are suspects just because we are Arabs and Muslims.

You know who are the terrorists : those who kill innocent people without a cause but hatred, thirst for blood … tearing families apart and ripping our hearts off alive.
They give lame excuses to the world … and try to twist the truth. But do you think there can be any excuse for killing children and women, for attacking a hospital, a factory, a school or a shelter at night. aren't they advanced enough so they can preciously locate their opponents.

The real terrorists are planting in vein their evil seeds in the souls of … those who watch the violent, ruthless acts committed against their families and loved ones and their hearts are being charged and saturated with hate that has once been love to the ones they lost with the overload of enduring the silence of all who know the truth and afraid to say a word and the other force that supports and approves the massacres and just don't get enough of the innocent people's misery … what else can make them stop, what else are they waiting for … new words are being taught to children "BOOM BOOM" when they hear the bombing and ask what that is, new scenes of dead bodies are being watched by mothers and little children scattered all around their neighborhood and on the roads. While some other words are disappearing like home, and may be mummy or daddy some of these children will hopefully have a home but being an orphan the other two words have departed for good.

Being a viewer of the daily painful tragedies …watching from a distance. I know from the bottom off my heart that … there is only one thing that we are living to see … peace.

My prayers now for peace.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Egyptian Women's demonstration

Yield of July 2006 - Lebanese conflict timeline

July 31 :
Israel suspends its air attacks on southern Lebanon for 48 hours…. But,
Israel's security cabinet gives the army the green light to widen a ground offensive against Hezbollah fighters.
July 30 :
Israeli air raid on a south Lebanon village, Qana, kills more than 60 Lebanese civilians, most of them children who were sleeping.
missile strike hits the main Lebanese border crossing into Syria, forcing its closure.
July 29 :
Lebanon's prime minister, says that if Israel wants secure borders it must withdraw from the disputed Shebaa Farms area that it has occupied since 1967.
Hezbollah's leader, vows to hit Israel with more rockets and says that Condoleezza Rice's visit to the region aimed to "impose conditions that serve Israel".
July 28 :
Israeli government says it is ready to call up 30,000 reservists.
Shia Amal movement and Hezbollah would join forces against Israel's offensive in Lebanon.
July 27 :
warplanes hit Hezbollah targets in southern Lebanon killing at least seven people, reports said.
Hezbollah lunches least 40 rockets also hit several towns in northern Israel, including Kiryat Shimona.
July 26 :
bomb killed four of United Nations observers in southern Lebanon.
Israeli and Hezbollah forces continue battling for control of the town of Bint Jbeil in southern Lebanon.
July 25 :
strike killed four soldiers from the United Nations Interim Force.
Israeli troops enter the border town of Bint Jbeil, a Hezbollah military stronghold, for the first time.
Israel is accused by Human Rights Watch of using artillery-fired cluster grenades against a Lebanese village.
July 24 :
Israeli troops battle their way to a key Hezbollah stronghold in south Lebanon and capture two fighters.
July 23 :
Israeli air strikes kill at least 12 civilians, including a Lebanese press photographer near the southern city of Tyre.
Hezbollah missiles land on Haifa killing 2 civilians and wounding several others. More than 2,200 rockets have hit Israel so far.
July 22 :
Israel continues hitting communications targets in Lebanon, including a relay station used by several Lebanese television stations.
Hezbollah fires at least 50 rockets hitting several cities and villages in northern Israel.
July 21 :
air force continues to hit targets around Lebanon. More than 300 Lebanese civilians have now been killed in the raids.
More than 100,000 civilians have already left their homes in south Lebanon.
Hezbollah launch fewer rockets than on any day since the conflict began. Only 40 rockets reach Israel.
July 20 :
Israeli army units enter southern Lebanon to attack Hezbollah positions near the border. Four Israeli soldiers are killed. An Israeli airman dies when two Apache attack helicopters collide near the northern border.
Israeli air attacks on southern Lebanese towns and Baalbek kill 45 Lebanese civilians.
Hezbollah fires more than 120 rockets at Israel. Two Arab children are killed in the Israeli-Arab town of Nazareth.
July 19 :
drops 23 tonnes of bombs on a single target in southern Beirut in an attempt to kill Hassan Nasrallah. More than 70 Lebanese civilians are killed as Israel continues its bombing campaign against Lebanese.
Hezbollah fire more than 100 missiles into Israel. One Israeli is killed in the town of Nahariya.
July 18 :
Israel continues its air strikes across Lebanon killing 11 Lebanese soldiers in their army barracks east of Beirut.
Hezbollah rockets again strike Haifa, wounding several Israelis.
July 17 :
strikes on Lebanon continue, killing more than 45 civilians.
Hezbollah fires more rockets into Israel, injuring at least 10 civilians in Haifa and Safed.
July 16 :
Israel continues air attacks killed at least 23 people around Lebanon.
Hezbollah rockets hit Haifa, Israel's second city, killing eight civilians and wounding more than 20.
July 15 :
Israeli aircraft destroy Hezbollah's headquarters in southern Beirut in an attempt to kill Hasan Nasrallah
Israel bombs Lebanon's ports and other sites across Lebanon. The attacks kill at least 35 people.
Israeli rockets hit their van near the southern city of Saida, killing eighteen Lebanese civilians.
Hezbollah rockets hit Tiberias, an Israeli city in Galilee.
July 14 :
bombs targets across Lebanon including bridges, roads and power stations.
Israeli aircraft also hits Hezbollah's headquarters in Beirut.
Israel attacks broadcasting facilities belonging to Hezbollah's Al-Manar television channel.
Hezbollah fires an Iranian-made anti-shipping rocket at an Israeli naval vessel off Beirut. The attack kills four Israeli sailors.
July 13 :
Israeli jets bomb the runway of Lebanon's only international airport, announces an air and sea blockade of Lebanon.
Israeli aircraft attack what it says are Hezbollah targets across southern Lebanon. The raids kill 35 Lebanese civilians.
Hezbollah fires rockets that hit towns in northern Israel, including Nahariya and Safed. Two civilians are killed.
July 12 :
captured two Israeli soldiers and said that they will release them if Israel frees Palestinian prisoners held in Israeli jails.
Lieutenant-General Dan Halutz, Israel's chief of staff, says: "If the soldiers are not returned, we will turn Lebanon's clock back 20 years."