Sunday, May 28, 2006

Thanks my dear friends

Messages, emails, phone calls and a celebration at work… that what has been going on since this morning.
What a wonderful day. thanks to all who made it that special and beautiful.
Would like to say “Happy Birthday” my dear twin sister :)
Rain, Moon, Wonderer, Engy and Ahmad … I can never thank you enough.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Insignificant thoughts

· Couldn't believe I don't remember, I checked … and it was nothing, so that's why I forgot.
· The ones with goals don't see they are approaching and getting closer to achieve them, and when they reach them, they are either tired or don't think they were good enough.
· Some people only see who needs them and never see what they have already given… "Their good is better and their better is the best" .
· The story of a little girl who tried to help everyone in her way till she needed help, then she got all the support from them in her way back … is very true.
· If you want to judge a person, just look at yourself when he/she is around.
· Don't look at the mirror a lot; you do look different to everyone.
· Some people look you in the eye and see thorough your heart and others just love to see their reflection in your eyes.
· "Can we feel your heart or does it beat for you alone" … from a song.
· Are years calculated, counted or felt?
· I keep bumping into the same people what a coincidence and yet whom I would like to be seeing is probably in Mars.
· Don't punish dear ones by getting apart, it will hurt you more.
· It's all about acceptance. Don't know if being in denial can provide the time to develop acceptance or it's an intermediate stage between the initial bad news and the real shock.
· As much as I know, it might sound weird, I don't want to work.
· I am so bad with details; it's more convenient to see the whole picture instead. Details are so many to be covered, no wonder the details oriented people are frustrated or always in a hurry.
· Love is not blind. we all have flaws .. but the flaws of whom we love are cute.
· There is something much worse than a mean person … a fake sweet person.
· Please tell me the truth, I can handle anything but lies.
· Results are not important as long as you have tried.
· I have learned not to say ”I don't know"; If someone else could … I can.

Enough for now, will go to sleep :)

Monday, May 22, 2006


Thanks Nerro for the tag.

1- Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as your dinner guest? As your close friend? As your lover?
Dinner guest: my family members who are living abroad and I miss them sooooooo much.
Close friend: Someone I can learn from.
Lover: Somone I can love

2- Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by five years to become extremely attractive?

3- Would you rather spend a month on vacation with your parents or put in overtime at your current job for four weeks without extra compensation?
Of course I will choose the vacation.

4- When did you last cry by yourself? In front of another person?
I can’t remember exactly when. But it wasn’t long ago.

5- If 100 people your age were chosen at random, how many do you think you’d find leading a more satisfying life than yours?
The people I think have satisfying lives think my life is more satisfying… how ironic !

6- If you had the choice of one intimate soul mate and no other close friends, or of no such soul mate and many friends and acquaintances, which would you choose?
I have always been with friends so why not try soul mate for a change :)

7- Do you think your friends would agree with one another about the kind of person you are? My friends can, but any other person can be easily unintentionally mislead (Gemini).

8- Would you prefer to be blind or deaf?
Oh … none of the above :), Thank god for all the blesses.

9- How many of your friendships have lasted more than ten years? Which of your current friends do you feel will still be important to you ten years from now?
Very few but they have changed a lot that I no longer feel they are the same.

10- If you could mould to your liking your memories of any past experience, would you do so?

11- Would you be content with a marriage of the highest quality in all respects but one – it completely lacked sex?
Will skip this one :p (inappropriate)

12- If you were happily married, and then met someone you felt was certain to always bring you deeply passionate, intoxicating love, would you leave your spouse? What if you had kids?
I may have a lot of flaws but I am very faithful and have great respect for my family members. So If I was married, my eyes and heart would have been already captured by my husband.

13- Relative of the population at large? How do you rate your physical attractiveness? Your intelligence? Your personality?
I swear I don’t know…

14- If you could script the basic plot for the dream you will have tonight, what would the story be?

15- While out one day, you are surprised to see your father holding hands with someone who is clearly his lover, he begs you not to say anything to your mother. How would you respond? What if your mother later told you that she was going crazy thinking that your father was having an affair yet knew it was just her imagination?
Can’t happen.

16- If you had to spend the next 2 years inside a small but fully provisioned Antarctic shelter with one other person, whom would you like to have with you?
Soul mate

17- You become involved romantically but after 6 months realize you need to end the relationship. If you were certain the person would commit suicide if you were to leave and were also certain you could not be happy with the person, what would you do?
If I am certain that this person would commit suicide for any reason I will certainly leave him.

18- What was your most enjoyable dream? Your worst nightmare?
Enjoyable dream: seeing M, worst nightmare: loosing dear ones or falling.

19- If by sacrificing your life you could contribute so much to the world you would be honored by all nations, would you be willing to do so? If so, would you make the sacrifice knowing that someone you thoroughly disliked would received that honor while you went unrecognized?
Yes as long as It made a difference to someone else’s life even if it wasn’t known.

20- Would you like your spouse to be both smarter and more attractive than you are?
Smartness is a must, attractiveness … even better :)

21- You discover that your wonderful one-year-old child is, because of a mix-up at the hospital, not yours. Would you want to exchange the child to try and correct the mistake?
Of course !

22- When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
This morning in my car.

23- Which sex do you think has it easier in our culture? Have you ever wished you were of the opposite sex?
It’s so easy being a female thank god. I enjoy it .. to be invited to dinner, get roses, have the doors opened for me to enter first … (that doesn’t happen a lot, where are the gentlemen :).
Best thing about it: I don't have to take the initiative or make the first move.

24- What are your most compulsive habits? Do you regularly struggle to break these habits?Washing my hands a lot, when I try to minimize it ... I use the sanitizer.

25- Would you enjoy spending a month of solitude in a beautiful natural setting? Food and shelter would be provided but you would not see another person.
Solitude… no, not me.

26- If you knew you would die of an incurable disease within 3 months, would you allow yourself to be frozen within the week if you knew it would give you a modest chance of being revived in 1,000 years and living a greatly extended life?

27- You are invited to a party that will be attended by many fascinating people you have never met. Would you want to go if you had to go by yourself?
No, It’s hard for me to be in a party by myself.

28- If you were at a friend's house for thanksgiving dinner and you found a dead cockroach in your salad, what would you do?
Will never ever go to that house again :) .

29- If someone you love deeply is brutally murdered and you know the identity of the murderer, who unfortunately is acquitted of the crime. Would you seek revenge?
I will leave him to god for punishment. I can’t do him any worse than he did to himself. But for sure I will report on him to the police.

I would like to tag my dear friends in my sidebar… if they like.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

I want to know

Just thought because I wake up every day, open the window, see the light and enjoy the morning breeze … everything will be ok.
Every day is a new beginning. but yesterday can never be forgotten. I regretted what I haven't said, what I wanted to say and didn't till it was too late. But I am regretting more what I haven't heard; I just wish I knew …
Now I am left with so many questions, will I ever know the answers ? … or again it's too late.
Didn't I want to know back then, was I afraid? …. May be. I didn't want to show how I so wanted to know just in case the answer won't be a favorable one.
It really doesn't matter if it's good or bad, still it's better to be known ; if it was a good thing and I didn't know it: I missed the feeling of hapiness and if it was a bad thing, I have missed the lesson.
I had this feeling of being around people that they all know something and I don't, I could feel them say … can't you see, yes I can't see and I don't know. Why don't they just tell me. is the truth that bad?, or they think I understand but I am trying to conceal it?
I want to know all the answers without even asking. May be I now have the courage to listen, but still haven't got the enough strength to ask.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Bigger missions require sacrifices.

Select New Game from the menu, you find a player (yourself and some other people (players) that still don't know. The basic rule of the game is you have to assign the missions to yourself according to the way that you will choose and therefore you will choose your profession and role in the game. There are many ways, you have many rides, and equipments but again it depends on the role. So you might approach a car and try to drive it and it won't work. Don't waste the time. Try to walk or use a bus nearby… there are always alternatives.
The destination is also determined by you. If you find yourself in the wrong place, just move it and don't stand still.
There were many players who just lost because they got confused and didn't take any decision till the end of the game, the game has certain duration.
Some other players were impressed with all the buildings, cars, yachts and wanted them all. And they couldn't concentrate on their way, as their eyes were focused on what they want not how to achieve it.
The other players and who are abided by the same rules ... fair enough !

I didn't know what to choose, my strategy was to spend sometime watching other players and what their options have lead them to, then decide which way I will take.
Before I reach a conclusion, I started to give myself big missions, tried to find a way to achieve them, but I couldn't. I went and sit aside again thinking, my amended strategy was based on the fact that I lack the experience and the game is hard for me so let's begin with easy small tasks that will enable me to take bigger ones and at the same time to acquire the experience. That plan really worked but I have was trapped. by the time achieving small missions became of no importance to me and I don't expect them to increase my score. Moreover, I became old for this phase, I can no longer see the people who were in the same phase they went farther and new ones began to join. so it's enough for me. I mistakenly thought that being in the same phase and do more missions will give me the enough score that enables me to go to the second level. But I am really bored and may be it's not going to work this way. The only way out is to try new ways within this level and take risks .. I tried what I liked so why don't I try what I didn't like… . I can't have it ALL.
Bigger missions require time, effort, and something that you like the most to be given up. That's the key rule.

Thursday, May 11, 2006


Ten years ago, a neighbor that we used to live in our building passed away, she was a very kind lady, we were not friends with her kids but she used to have this motherly attitude towards all the kids. and all the other neighbors used to love her as well (god bless her soul).
She gave my mother a small cactus plant. Since then my mother takes care of it. But the strange thing is, this plant didn’t grow, I know that cactus takes time to grow but it hasn’t changed a bit. still small and is not noticeable compared to the basil that my mom is planting in the balcony. The contrast is high… basil with the beautiful smell, wonderful texture to touch, beautiful green color and this small cactus that looks rough, hurts if touched and has this fading green color. I used to have the feeling that it’s not alive although it didn’t look as it’s dying.
Anyways, my mom never gave up on ever taking care of it. And I discovered that she really loves it… why not, we normally don’t love things because of its beauty or perfection, it’s the meaning or the feeling that we have. Love has a mechanism if I can say that, it’s the object’s significance to us that is absorbed by the heart and reflected back again to the object.
What made me discover that my mom loves this plant is: yesterday when I returned home from work. I found her telling me with a real pleasure that there were small leaves developed from the cactus, I went and had a look and it was true … it’s finally growing. I was happy too …more of the lesson that I have learned.
She loved the plant, just the way it was. She didn’t get bored of taking good care of it while she knew if won’t change. Waiting for ten years didn’t affect or minimize the happiness she felt when it grew. And finally, she wasn’t happy because it will turn to a better plant that decorates the balcony, it was a sign that the plant is alive and isn’t dying.

Saturday, May 06, 2006


I am not being reasonable. After all blogging has nothing to do with anything.
May be I just wanted to feel I am in control ? . Anyways it wasn't the right thing to do.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Great Expectations

The wonderful novel by Charles Dickens, and one of my favorites, although I never knew who exactly had these expectations. In the novel, it has mentioned that Pip had great expectations; in my opinion they all had their expectations. But yes may be the greatest expectations belonged to Pip. The reason was that his expectation was to be up to Estella's expectations. So in comparison he had the greatest expectations.
Some people including myself fell in the trap of trying and working to be up to someone else's expectations, some other people exert great effort to be up to everyone's expectations. but usually it ends up in disappointment.
So is it something that can be practiced? I wonder if I have zero expectations how life would look like. Well, it has its pros and cons, but there will surely be a lot of surprises.
Oddly enough we normally don't know what do others expect. And they don't know what are our expectations too… so we are all left with some possibilities and assumptions. And the ones who care will always torture themselves that may be what they did wasn't enough.
There is only one way to know anyways, try !. I am beginning to think, the more positive way is to work not expect. I am not comfortable at my current job so I would better look for another, I don't want to expect someone's call turn the phone off. I am becoming less patient, but may be I need to be less patient, I have waited long enough and why don't I be more impulsive… don't really know.


Dear friends,
When I first started blogging more than a year ago, I so wanted to be me, say what I want to say, open up and express myself. I didn't fear judgment or any opposing opinion or even mockery.
I remained for a considerable while anonymous although I didn't hide anything not even my name. On the contrary I used to write my full name J
For a reason I didn't expect anyone to read and for me the comment feature was just part of the template till I started getting comments form Norm and Mr. Ben Zab. They showed me that they read and respect what I write which was so encouraging, I really appreciated that.
The first posts that I was talking to myself, I was under the impression that I was a person who talks to herself in the street that if someone will pass by will never pay attention. But instead I started to see some people around me just to listen to what I am saying.
Started to have comments from all of you wonderful friends. Started to notice the name of my blog in your sidebars. Started to visit your blogs and exchange my views with you.
For more than a year I have NEVER EVER received any abusive or offensive comment from anyone. They were all very supportive and considerate and I am really grateful and thankful for all of you. I became addicted to your blogs as well and felt closer to you.
But I am afraid to be addicted to your comments as well and I don't want to burden you with my anxiously to have a response.
What I would like to do is to deactivate the comments, but still I will be very happy to receive your feedback through emails if you felt like it.
My friends, please don't get me wrong, your comments meant so much to me. but I decided to decrease my expectations about nearly everything to zero level. (will write a post about it later to explain).
I will add your blogs url to my sidebar to let you see how I am crazy about your blogs and the number of times I visit them. And of course will keep commenting.
So dear all keep reading please and keep feeding me back if you would like, I am very lucky to be heard by you.