Sunday, February 26, 2006



Haven't you ever felt during a conversation that you don't want it to end or wondered if you could stop the time for a while so you can keep talking/listening to the person you are having this interesting conversation with? And what is your definition for "Interesting" anyways?

What is the main reason for this phenomenon if I may call it because of its rarity?

Would it be the person, the subject or you?

In other words, Was the person that charismatic… that you were literally enchanted as he knew what language to use or he was empathetic enough to choose what to say, how to address it in a way you can relate to and therefore a kind of connection began to be established and maintained.

Some say, may be it's the body language or eye contact. but I personally think if sincerity wasn't there no connection can ever be made based on fake rules or ways.

Yes there are Charismatic people; they know how to communicate with people from different backgrounds, social standards and with different characters.

They can convince you of anything and have this ability to make you do things for them with great passion and motivation not as if you are captivated or hypnotized but with great convincement.

Another hypothesis; the subject …. Every one has favorite subject/s that whenever it's mentioned, it alerts all your senses and stimulates you mentally.
Another kind of subjects other than the favorite ones… the provocative ones, smart people sometimes need to be challenged and the provocative/controversial subjects triggers their need to prove how smart or knowledgeable they are, sometimes to the people and other times to themselves, it's like a mind battle.

The last one, YOU … what if you just wanted to have a nice and peaceful conversation with someone you can trust and freely talk to, what if you wanted to be heard, felt and appreciated, what if you were clueless and you wanted to get a mature opinion about something.
Sometimes we are so confused that we want someone to throw all our ideas, thoughts and feelings in front of, and start sorting and reorganizing them over again.

People are of great value and there is a reason for each one of us to be exposed to different situations and experiences. So that if you have the chance to share what you have learned with someone else, have a joint list of the rights and wrongs, it could make a difference to the two of you.

In the end, the answers are so many for the very same questions.




"For all life is a dream, and dreams themselves are only dreams".

I don’t see a reason for any one to lose hope.

Think about the bad times we went through, sad times, agonizing experiences…. where did they go, they were like nightmares we had one night then we woke up and they are gone!

Or even the good times when we laughed and danced when we felt we were on the top of the world, think about success, wonderful people we met, friends we loved, beautiful places we have been to, delightful memories, did they last?

No, they were like nice dreams we had and then we got up smiling and we kept remembering them.

Think about how we used to look when we were young, now we see the pictures and wonder what hasn’t been impacted and changed by the years.

About the illnesses that we or our families had, they are either healed or we decided to live with them and consider that early healthy stage one of the good dreams we had.

Even those people whom we lost, may be we are gonna meet them again and we will look back at our entire lives and wonder what a dream it has been.


Thursday, February 23, 2006


Dear …

Choosing & deciding … are all about the choices, used to think I am indecisive but after some thinking, no I am not. For if the choices that I had to select from were coming out of me and I had a hard time trying to choose. It would have been my problem but it's not like that.

The routes that I was willing to explore and could see my goals waiting for me somewhere in them always had this sign DETOUR giving me those arrows that I don't know where they are leading to.

So I stood right there trying to choose between the arrows, asking people coming and going around me, some knew where were they heading, some had planned their ways and others didn't know and even didn't care.

They didn't help much. I decided to continue walking and see what can I reach.
Years have gone by and I am still walking, there were some rainy days and some beautiful sunny ones but the feeling that it's still not my way does exist.
There were sometimes I thought I am about to find my way and could feel that I am near then I lost it again.

Nothing bothers me actually other than the time and effort that I consume in the wrong place. Time goes very fast, no one can stop it. Yes because it's unstoppable and most importantly it does really heal everything, and I wished sometimes if I could accelerate it so it takes me away from a certain memory or a person I have lost.

I don't consider myself lost, but I just know this is not my way. I don't feel my home is nearby yet.

Now I am facing another Detour sign and when I was asked, I just said "I didn't think about it" although I did. It was just an excuse to give myself more time to decide.

When the choices don't include the one you are willing to take, they all seem the same!


Monday, February 20, 2006


Dear ...

Last Wednesday was an unpleasant day, I went to work and no actual work has been done. Let's go through the day… may be that will give me the clue on what went wrong.

It was the last day for one of my colleagues, we decided to do something special for him, we arranged to get him a cake (actually two) and a nice present.

Then, my boss called for a department meeting, we gathered into the conference room waiting for the news.. it's unusual to have this kind of unscheduled meetings.
He told us that he will be moving to another department… for me it was the worst timing to hear this piece of news, plus the fact that he was a very good boss.

Back to the original farewell party, I volunteered to go and buy the present. We collected money as a department, I asked a friend of his if he has any preferences. He told me a Mont Blanc pen!

Engy came with me to City Stars and chose a nice one (not extra nice because of the budget, call me old fashioned or naïve but I couldn't believe that a pen can cost 28,000 EGP, the one I got was 1300 thank god).

The weather was very weird that day, when we were in the car …we experienced nearly all the seasons' conditions… it was sunny, then windy, it rained then windy again and more rain then sunny!

Went back to the office, the farewell party wasn't warm. We ate and took some pictures together.

The last part of the day was that CD delivery part … that wasn't the first time that I act weird because of a strange feeling that I have no explanation to and don't know where did it come from. I was tensed and uncomfortable, the negative feelings were mutual I must say.

It's very mystifying that you think you know a person and suddenly, you go like… "who are you" and treat him like a total stranger.

To a great extent, I do trust my intuition, and alarming feelings I felt were telling me that there is something wrong.
I went home after that, to wake up the next morning with the preliminary symptoms of FLU.

The weekend was flu, medications, sleeping and quarreling with my mother about the food because I couldn't eat anything.

Tried to go to work yesterday, thought I was better, drove my car with some difficulty, felt I was week… reached the office, they all noticed from my voice (as there hasn't been any…:). Excused myself and headed back home by 1PM.

And here I am , home again, continuing last weekend's schedule: flu, medications, sleeping but no more quarrels, don't have the strength.


Monday, February 13, 2006

It’s not because of Valentine’s day, it’s what we need…

Friday, February 10, 2006

I am sorry!

There has been a very sensitive issue and a very delicate as well that I couldn't write about till now.

May be because it has generated a huge amount of feelings that I could grasp or express. Especially that it has been followed by the great tragedy of the ferry.

It's about ProphetMohammed (SAAW). I saw this girl on TV in one of the protests crying so hard . And I knew how she feels. After all these years and after what he (SAAW) has been through for us. and for the sake of Islam.

The person that I ask god to grant me the honor of seeing in heaven isA. The honest and truthful person who taught us to be better people. We have learned the love and compassion form him. Allah almighty has sent him to guide us, to show us the light and he did.

I am confessing that we make mistakes; we are not exactly how we should be. And some of us Muslims have showed a negative image about Islam that we are against.

But it doesn't give the right to those ignorant people to attack our role model, this offence is unacceptable. They have apologized … that's not a generosity from them or anything, it was what they had to do.

But what I want to say here, that I am sorry … please all MUSLIM people we are the ones who should apologize to our dear profit, we should have been better than that, we should have showed what you have taught us dear Mohammed (SAAW).

I looked at people around me and I am really sorry they behave like that, and I am sorry for their hollow hearts that it should have been filled with faith.

I am sorry that I got too indulged with work and life activities and I no longer read Koran on a daily basis. I am sorry that I only pray foroud and I don't pray your sonna dear Prophet.

I am sorry that I thought as long as I am not doing something wrong, that's enough … while I haven't thought what right things should I do besides avoiding the wrong.

I once had the opportunity to teach a polish friend of mine Koran ( 3 soras) after she declared her Islam and it was wonderful. And I am sorry I no longer do that.

I am sorry I was trying to be someone I am not to feel that I belong and I failed. I don't have to belong to these people, speacking their language and perform the basic rituals and that's it.

No the real worship is in the heart as long as you can always feel it in your heart … you are on the right track.

Hope all Muslims think about themselves, what they do and what they have been missing and apologize as well in front of god and be very sure Allah will forgive.

" نستغفرك يا الله و نتوب اليك، فتب علينا"

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Wish I was wrong !!!


How ironic … I am listening to this song "Hero" right now when I am actually planning to write about the very opposite.

Here is a question/s "Where are all the good people, Where have they gone, Aren't there any ethics left, why don't the bad people realize how BAD they are …"

I can only relate all the sad news that I have heard or experienced to the previous questions.

Didn't go to work today, couldn't wake up early then I finally got up at 11, realized that I have slept for more than ten hours and I was willing to continue sleeping.

It's a good place to hide in and stop thinking. Stop winning about all the good people that I have known and all these weird and bad people that now are taking over everywhere and endure the pain of having to deal with them and saying that we are not in heaven, there are good ones and bad ones and all I can do is just keep a distance to be safe, giving chances wishing that I could be wrong about them,,,, still hoping!

There are no heroes; they only exist in fairy tales. What I used to believe is that a person should do his best to be a better one, try to find out what is he missing ,,, search for the beauty and light inside and embrace it.

Every one of us is created to make a difference, there is a plan for each one .
Even if his/ her existence is meant to influence just one person … it's a great honor.

I am not a pessimistic person, I know there are still beautiful people but it's a pity that those bad ones couldn't look after the good seed inside them and it just ….DIED.
So now they are scary heartless ghosts living among us that we have to either deal with the way they should be treated or just pray for a miracle.


Sunday, February 05, 2006

The Phone

Dear ...

My friends are mad at me because I turn my cell phone off in the weekend.

I have just hung up with one of the sales people who was trying to offer his products.
We get these kind of calls ALL THE TIME…. It’s nerve wracking, when you are stressed, the To Do list is full of stuff and then the phone rang and you find yourself talking for half an hour saying the same things and trying to wrap up but you can’t.
I do respect the fact that it’s someone’s job to do that, and they are getting paid for it but they don’t even listen, most of the time I don’t get the chance to tell them that I am not the right person to contact.

Another type of phone calls, the CEO calls , it’s the worst …. He always calls when:
1- He wants to ask about my boss.
2- He wants to ruin my day and say things like “ you have to learn how to send an email …’ the occasion was that I sent him a report and it’s size was a little big, so he decided that I have to learn how to send an email !!!!

The business calls in the weekend too make me really nervous, as it could lead to go to the office, do something and may be it’s not me who had to do it but I get to do it because I committed the crime of answering the phone.

As for my friends, I used to be a good listener but I am a human being sometimes I have problems just like them and sometimes I am not in a mood. But no they keep chasing me on the cell phone and the land line as if it’s my job. While I know when I need to talk … everyone gets busy.

So, it really feels so wonderful to turn off my cell phone, eliminate the distraction and live in PEACE.


Saturday, February 04, 2006

The Journey !


Last Ramadan, I had a discussion with my father concerning performing 3omra together, as several years ago, he used to go every Ramadan and it's no longer the case due to his business commitments.

He mentioned one of his friends who always goes there by a ferry not a flight.
I imagined how beautiful and soothing it can be, for me … it's like combining everything that I love in one trip.

It's a trip which aims at worshiping god, until you get there you have the time to relax, and think about the blesses that god has granted us, as you are on the deck watching the sky and hear the silent sound of the sea, reading Koran, think about yourself, your life, get rid of all the negative feelings and thoughts and get really prepared.

My sister interrupted that talk and said something about these ferries safety … I answered, "they are safe…" besides if something wrong happens for any reason, it's a good end and isA rewarding.

But the other part of the story that I haven't seen in that fancy story was the REAL part of it.

Yesterday, I heard the sad news … watched on the TV the scenes and it was heartbreaking.

Again another tragedy in the carelessness play that I hope ends.

The dream I had, suddenly became a nightmare, still I believe that the victims are going to be rewarded isA. No one knows how his/her life is going to end or how it feels. But what if the reward is heaven ???

Initially I thought there were coming back from Pilgrimage, and that's why I remembered this discussion.

Dear God bless the victims and give their loved ones the patience and faith that they are in a better place isA. Hope to go to this better place too.