Choosing & deciding … are all about the choices, used to think I am indecisive but after some thinking, no I am not. For if the choices that I had to select from were coming out of me and I had a hard time trying to choose. It would have been my problem but it's not like that.
The routes that I was willing to explore and could see my goals waiting for me somewhere in them always had this sign DETOUR giving me those arrows that I don't know where they are leading to.
So I stood right there trying to choose between the arrows, asking people coming and going around me, some knew where were they heading, some had planned their ways and others didn't know and even didn't care.
They didn't help much. I decided to continue walking and see what can I reach.
Years have gone by and I am still walking, there were some rainy days and some beautiful sunny ones but the feeling that it's still not my way does exist.
There were sometimes I thought I am about to find my way and could feel that I am near then I lost it again.
Nothing bothers me actually other than the time and effort that I consume in the wrong place. Time goes very fast, no one can stop it. Yes because it's unstoppable and most importantly it does really heal everything, and I wished sometimes if I could accelerate it so it takes me away from a certain memory or a person I have lost.
I don't consider myself lost, but I just know this is not my way. I don't feel my home is nearby yet.
Now I am facing another Detour sign and when I was asked, I just said "I didn't think about it" although I did. It was just an excuse to give myself more time to decide.
When the choices don't include the one you are willing to take, they all seem the same!