Sunday, September 17, 2006

Taking is all about giving

What I am about to say is not new, it is said all the time but I felt it immensely in my last day at work…. last Thursday.
Won't go through this day's details , really can't… it was very emotional for me and I don't want to recall it.
So let's stick to the basic observation:
Look at us … the fact that we are different from each other enables us to exchange and trade what we have/own to get what we can't have on our own.
Emotionally, it's so much different, what you give is what you get, nothing else.
I used to complain and whine about being treated by the people I work with like a machine and not a human being, why are they that cold. And how come people from other departments are warmer and nicer to me. My friends are from other departments. Never thought about the meaning of that and to be honest …was always looking at them, looking at what I am getting and skipping the part of what did I give.
From day one I was keeping distances and building barriers, I was never ever myself with them. There were always me at work and me at the real life… what am I schizophrenic?.
I was always in control, treating them in a very formal way, kinda felt that it's more professional to act that way. It used to work so well with my superiors. They used to appreciate me for it., but may be I got too far with it..That's what I have given them till my last day.
On the other hand, I was more friendly with people outside my department… as long as they are not directly impacted from my work, it's ok to open my heart and be myself.
So there were always two commodities I used to offer: work and care. Work was being rendered to the people I report to. Care and respect to anyone else.
Another factor being shy and not loud may be hindered my feelings to reach everyone.
To cut the long story short, my boss was so nice that day but my pears were acting as if nothing is going on.
I understand that some people are capable of separating their feelings from work. But I personally don't like such a way so how come I deliberately I act like one.
Custodians, security guards, my very dear friends, and even people I didn't expect, from the agencies, our company in Dubai, AY … they were so sweet and seemed sad saying goodbye.
It was so overwhelming to have them ask if I am going to change my phone number, urging to stay in touch, saying we will miss you, their wishes and prayers. meant a lot to me… really did.
Believe it or not I left the department so silently, just wrote them an email and disappeared. Have to admit that may be I was harsh again as they are not all that cold. And they were preparing for a farewell dinner for me and another colleague who is leaving too next week but that's what I did. At night during that day (I) called and asked why did you leave so suddenly, we were surprised I told him it's because of T and S mainly. He continued I will arrange for a friendlier outing. Felt much more comfortable and learned that chapter's lesson. Next time I want to receive more attention and care …I just have to give it first.

9 Comments:

  • At 7:27 AM, Blogger salateenoo said…

    i dont like the farewell moments too....even if the ppl iam going to leave is not so nice to me ... its painful to me ...

     
  • At 7:39 AM, Blogger Nesrina said…

    It's always painful... but that's life. I am still reluctant to attend the farewell dinner... :S

     
  • At 12:03 PM, Blogger Jannah said…

    a precious lesson you said up there, Nesrina.

    I second with going to the dinner, it'll lighten things up and after all it's the LAST dinner with your colleagues... so ending things nicely would let them remember you nicely too, no?

    It's all up to you deary, I havent even worked yet so why am I playing the pro here!

     
  • At 1:22 PM, Blogger Nesrina said…

    Jannah,
    Thanks my dear for your support, I am glad to know what you think and I do appreciate it.
    I don't want to go but I am afraid it would be understood as lack of respect or curtesy... if I figured out a nice way to apologize I will do :)

     
  • At 12:57 AM, Blogger Rain said…

    Well Neri..i don't know what to say actually...mmm , i wonder why u didnt' open up from first place? maybe someone there annoyed or sth.

    Anyway..well.. if they cared enough to make u an outing , i think u should care too and attend it , it wouldn't strengthen ur bonds , it's just a farewell dinner , so it's not gonna be painful as u think.

    Best of luck sweetie :)))

     
  • At 1:05 AM, Blogger Nesrina said…

    Rain,
    May be I couldn't deal with the fact that I was different, I could deal with it as long as the distance is maintained but couldn't approach any closer.
    About the dinner, u r right... will see anyways.
    Many thanks dear

     
  • At 7:58 AM, Blogger a h m a d said…

    I think that an email is more than enough. :P

    Nesrina, every person should do what he/she feels comfortable with. There are some people who are extremely sociable, others who prefer small gatherings, etc. For example, I learned that I enjoy small gatherings more than big ones! And don't be hard on yourself. :)

     
  • At 1:39 AM, Blogger Nesrina said…

    Ahmad,
    What a relief ... you just knew what I wanted to do.
    I don't want to be rude but at the same time I am not a hypocrite, can't pretend something I don't feel.
    btw, I definetly prefer small gatherings, in bigger ones I stay mute :)

     
  • At 12:53 PM, Anonymous Mahmoud said…

    It's my first time to access a blogger of some sort and to send a comment. So, I do not know how my comment will show up anyway cos I don't know how this thing works.
    I just wanted to point out that other gracious commentors mentioned a different right perspective each. I agree that you were being hard on yourself and it does not help most of the times to be. What you mention is just explained by the "Role Theory" which states that everyone of us has endless different personalities (normally without being considered hypocrite-God Forbid). So, u as a daughter deal with ur dad differently than how you as a boss deal with ur subordinates than how u deal with a friend than with a Taxi driver and so on. Say that your dad happened to be your boss at work. It would be a ridiculously perplexing incident since u would be obliged to address him as "seyadet al-modeer" while he would not be able to use ur nickname at work! This is a challenge posed to the "Role Theory" cos u r required to deal with someone that has a certain role as if he or she has another (maybe totally different) role.
    Plus, I agree with a h m a d that it is only that ur type of person works much better in small bunches of people. Nothing is wrong with that. There are zillion other perspectives that can be taken into account as an Egyptian woman dealing with people in work and her being shy or over-cautious of possible erroneous impressions and whatnot.

     

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