Monday, April 10, 2006

Alice In Wonderland

I think I don't know myself well, I also noticed that people tend to analyze and think about the actions and reactions of others and forget themselves.
Sometimes I get surprises with what I do … thank god that doesn't happen a lot.
But it's good to sit every once in a while with oneself and have a thorough review of what went on.
From the tags that we have been passing to each other, it grabbed my attention that not a lot of people dream as much as I do. It's not a big deal I know. But, seriously I dream a lot. 2,3,4 times a night … different dreams, good ones and bad ones.
It also happens that I wake up and realize, I still have 10 or 15 minutes till it's 7:30 and decide to sleep again and guess what… I dream.
Apart from that, I always visualize things … as if there are no words for me, the conversation transforms itself automatically to pictures and most of the time they are imaginary ones. If I am invited to a party or dinner for instance in a place that I have never been to. I think about it with some kind of visualizing how it's gonna be based on similar places that I have been too, things I heard about or just a perception.
And of course most of the times things turn out to be completely different.
Another aspect is the past experiences, that is the most painful thing because they are real. People with photographic memories will feel what I am talking about.
I myself don't be at any ease when I see old pictures. I just remember things that I am comfortable with the fact that they are not on the top of my mind. So bringing them to the surface saddens me especially the good memories or the people who no longer exist for any reason.
I have some photos that were taken in my final year in college. I don't really have the courage to look at them. I haven't seen anyone of whom I thought were friends in years and I don't know if I will be seeing them again. The distances get farther as the years pass.
Not only the people, the whole phase meant a lot to me at college, the place itself although it wasn't the best but I loved it, the windows, the stairs, where we used to sit, where we used to eat.
So imagine how it feels to be carrying these albums in my head whenever I go. With the slightest thing to trigger the wonderful visions that I am haunted with. Anyhow, It's a luxury to be haunted with good memories that I am longing to rather than having bad ones that other people have and want to get away from. I have to admit that.
I am a nostalgic person, that's for sure and may be that what made me realize that whole subject, it gives people the impression that my life is empty that I am always living in the past but it's not right. I believe in some years I will be referring to this phase and say "those were the days" :)

6 Comments:

  • At 8:44 AM, Blogger ayman_elgendy said…

    welcome to the real world....

    :-)

     
  • At 3:32 PM, Blogger new kid in the block said…

    every phase of life has its own days sometimes we go through a pause or break during which we feed on our memories and those who dream are the lucky ones ( it is only my point of view coz I am one of them) because we can live and relive every thing we go through twice or even more till once more we find the days we were waiting for sweet dreams MIB :))

     
  • At 12:44 AM, Blogger Nesrina said…

    Ayman,
    It's my own way of living in the REAL world.

    NK,
    U r sooo right, may be what I am experiencing now is a break or a pause. but u know it's not a bad thing ... it taught me to appreciate a lot of things even the tiny ones that may not matter to anyone else, makes me happier.

     
  • At 12:59 AM, Blogger Nour said…

    Ahhhh ya Nesrina..

    Geity 3al gar7.. :)

     
  • At 1:14 AM, Blogger Nesrina said…

    Nour,
    Sorry ya gameela didn't mean to.

     
  • At 8:42 AM, Blogger Norm Shaw said…

    Nesreen,

    The band The Counting Crows has a song with the line, "Memories are Dreams about Ghosts..." I've always loved that line and I think it describes the bittersweet nature of the pictures of good times and good people that we carry in our heads.

    I find myself missing many of the same things that you describe, but find that when one good friend leaves your life another seems to enter and fill the same space...I think we are all one spirit and that the parts of that spirit that you need at any time will find you.

    God Bless and Keep you! Norm.

     

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