Confusion
Dear,
Supposedly , as you get older you get to know, understand, realize and perceive things in a better way, have the ability to see things differently, analyze what is going on, derive conclusions and develop the flexibility of understanding that people are different so you learn to accept their way of thinking, culture, background…
As opposed to that, I was able to grasp some of the above , but the confusion has been amplified and the contradictions that I have been exposed to has risen to higher levels I must say.
I am not trying to pretend I am mature enough and it’s not either an attempt to qualify myself to judge things or people… because I am not and no one is , I hate being judgmental, only god judges that it’s totally fair because simply god is the only one who knows everything and we don’t .
All I know now and trying to abide by is what is right or wrong from a religious perspective, try to obey the rules as much as I can.
But apart from that the right/ wrong , beautiful/ugly, good/bad , love/hate, shyness/lameness … are very confusing, in certain situations these contradictions seem the same to me, that really scares me , when the opposites are distinctive enough for everyone but me !
Words do have certain definition for me but many for others, I don’t see why would you say something that you don’t mean.
Had a conversation this morning, useful one as it made me ask “do I love myself” the answer was ... I can’t say lOVE may be I am ok with myself … I have a lot of people in my life that I do love but I have never thought about myself, I’m not sure if I am right or wrong but let me explain how I feel, we are created in a way that we don’t see ourselves we only see others, so I don’t even see myself , I am not even in the picture.
Love is sharing it needs more than one party to formulate and needs some more than that to develop ,,, even the soul mates concept … when it comes to love there are whole other terms that can be used , but what I am sure of is that the word ”I” does not exist amongest them neither do “you” or “them” , there are no boundaries or restrictions moreover no names … feelings are not tangible.
Again I don’t know if I make any sense but I feel much better now just saying that. I am not yet finished … will continue later.
Yours very truly ,
Supposedly , as you get older you get to know, understand, realize and perceive things in a better way, have the ability to see things differently, analyze what is going on, derive conclusions and develop the flexibility of understanding that people are different so you learn to accept their way of thinking, culture, background…
As opposed to that, I was able to grasp some of the above , but the confusion has been amplified and the contradictions that I have been exposed to has risen to higher levels I must say.
I am not trying to pretend I am mature enough and it’s not either an attempt to qualify myself to judge things or people… because I am not and no one is , I hate being judgmental, only god judges that it’s totally fair because simply god is the only one who knows everything and we don’t .
All I know now and trying to abide by is what is right or wrong from a religious perspective, try to obey the rules as much as I can.
But apart from that the right/ wrong , beautiful/ugly, good/bad , love/hate, shyness/lameness … are very confusing, in certain situations these contradictions seem the same to me, that really scares me , when the opposites are distinctive enough for everyone but me !
Words do have certain definition for me but many for others, I don’t see why would you say something that you don’t mean.
Had a conversation this morning, useful one as it made me ask “do I love myself” the answer was ... I can’t say lOVE may be I am ok with myself … I have a lot of people in my life that I do love but I have never thought about myself, I’m not sure if I am right or wrong but let me explain how I feel, we are created in a way that we don’t see ourselves we only see others, so I don’t even see myself , I am not even in the picture.
Love is sharing it needs more than one party to formulate and needs some more than that to develop ,,, even the soul mates concept … when it comes to love there are whole other terms that can be used , but what I am sure of is that the word ”I” does not exist amongest them neither do “you” or “them” , there are no boundaries or restrictions moreover no names … feelings are not tangible.
Again I don’t know if I make any sense but I feel much better now just saying that. I am not yet finished … will continue later.
Yours very truly ,
posted by Nesrina @ 3:29 AM
2 Comments:
At 11:17 PM,
Nightlegend said…
When get more aged this doesn't necessairly means that we became more wiser ,age is not what shapes person's experience with life ,it's life it self which does ,and from your words I can see that the problem is not you are old enought to understand or issue verdicts ,it's about your current state of mind ,how do you see life in general ,how do you see people around you ,so if there's some problems or troubles in those then you will not have the ideal & clear image of everything.
Loving yourself is another different story ,and there's a big difference between loving yourself and knowing yourself ,there's no creature in the universe who hates him/her/itself ,this our nature cause you can't hate your self existence ,even the most despearate people who think they hate themselves for whatever reasons is not being logical at all ,so by nature you are in love with yourself but you may need to be more open with yourself ,more open to your Innerself in other words ,try to have some relaxation and make a little confrontation with yourself about whatever is concerning you or causing you any psychological or mental troubles ,but don't every go blaming yourself when you confront it ,just remember that this is your existence and you have to be a friendly with it.
Another note about love ,when you are in love with someone you are supposed to be the ssme self & soul in two bodies ,the integration between those two parts is what give love it's complete and true meaning.
Hope you are feeling better today and please don't hesitate to write anything inside you as long as you say it makes you feel better.
At 1:31 AM,
Nesrina said…
Hi Nightlegend,
let me first thanks you for your comment.
I didn't mean that age can be a determinant of how wise or knowledgeable you are ... but the experience always comes from different situations that you go through over the time so the more you get to expose yourself to, the more you gain and acquire in terms of experience.
what I wanted to highlight has nothing to do with age but with the contradictions that we live in., I can tell you for sure that I don't see a clear image of lots of things because of their vagueness or because of their varying nature.
As for loving oneself, it's not that I don’t love myself for sure I do but in a different way, it ‘s something that you don’t realize until you think about it, or you deliberately ask yourself in terms of what you done to yourself how was this love shown…
As I said you don’t see yourself all the time, you see others until you stand right in front the mirror other than that you are not always in the picture.
I do agree that when you are love with someone you became one soul in two bodies, that what love is and that's what I meant, can't argue, it's the end of the journey to find the whole other part that completes you to be one whole complete person, it doesn’t matter if you are just represent 1% or 70% of this whole person .. what matters is that new person (soul), it’s unconditional and not judgmental and have new other set of rules and concepts.
Finally I am feeling better today :) thank you very much.
All the best,
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