Secret Admirer

When I was a teen I so wanted to find out one day that I have a secret admirer. Yes a typical secret admirer like the ones in movies; writes me letters, sends me flowers, follows me wherever I go without me noticing. I don't know why…
May be because back then I wasn't ready for a real face to face confrontation and there wasn't anyone special that I used to think of.
Heard once a story from a relative, that happened so many years ago before I was even born. She was young and used to find every morning in her balcony Chiclets packs and candy. She didn't know where do they come from. She tried to know till she noticed that there is a guy lives in the opposite building follows her everyday to school, gets on the same public transportation she uses , then leaves and comes back again to follows her all the way to her home at the end of the day without making any moves or any attempt to speak, as if he was just guarding her. He never said a word, he just kept throwing candy in her balcony and guarding her silently and very politely.
I do remember also that when I was in college, a friend of mine used to have a crush on a guy thought one day to bring him a rose and put it in his empty mug in the cupboard. But she changed her mind after that, fearing she might be caught in the kitchenette doing that.
To tell you the truth now I am not sure if I would like to have a secret admirer like I used to think. I believe I will freak out…
That's how we change over the years, now the picture of someone doing that is he is childish, immature, pathetic or may be a psycho.
For me admiration is wider and broader than the context it's always exist in. it's not only for the ones we have feelings for. I do admire nature and I do admire a lot of people …I admire their points of view, manners, culture, attitudes and principles.
Admiration does restrain a great deal of respect.
As for being a secret admirer myself, I have difficulty showing my feelings to special ones. On the contrary when I am friendly, spontaneous and nice to someone that means he is no more than a brother but if he is more than that I am a real disaster.
Unintentionally I tend to hide and avoid him … it scares me, that was mostly what I used to do with (M). Of course he didn't understand but he truly was and will ALWAYS be the one that I admired and respected the most.
When I first started this blog, I used to write posts as if they were real messages in the bottle and threw them in the sea … starting Dear … and I wasn't really sure whom I am addressing them to. But I was trying to have a conversation with someone secretly hiding somewhere ( may be M) and hoped he would find my messages and comes for rescue. but he never come and I quit sending the messages.