Thursday, October 12, 2006

Secret Admirer

When I was a teen I so wanted to find out one day that I have a secret admirer. Yes a typical secret admirer like the ones in movies; writes me letters, sends me flowers, follows me wherever I go without me noticing. I don't know why…
May be because back then I wasn't ready for a real face to face confrontation and there wasn't anyone special that I used to think of.
Heard once a story from a relative, that happened so many years ago before I was even born. She was young and used to find every morning in her balcony Chiclets packs and candy. She didn't know where do they come from. She tried to know till she noticed that there is a guy lives in the opposite building follows her everyday to school, gets on the same public transportation she uses , then leaves and comes back again to follows her all the way to her home at the end of the day without making any moves or any attempt to speak, as if he was just guarding her. He never said a word, he just kept throwing candy in her balcony and guarding her silently and very politely.
I do remember also that when I was in college, a friend of mine used to have a crush on a guy thought one day to bring him a rose and put it in his empty mug in the cupboard. But she changed her mind after that, fearing she might be caught in the kitchenette doing that.
To tell you the truth now I am not sure if I would like to have a secret admirer like I used to think. I believe I will freak out…
That's how we change over the years, now the picture of someone doing that is he is childish, immature, pathetic or may be a psycho.
For me admiration is wider and broader than the context it's always exist in. it's not only for the ones we have feelings for. I do admire nature and I do admire a lot of people …I admire their points of view, manners, culture, attitudes and principles.
Admiration does restrain a great deal of respect.
As for being a secret admirer myself, I have difficulty showing my feelings to special ones. On the contrary when I am friendly, spontaneous and nice to someone that means he is no more than a brother but if he is more than that I am a real disaster.
Unintentionally I tend to hide and avoid him … it scares me, that was mostly what I used to do with (M). Of course he didn't understand but he truly was and will ALWAYS be the one that I admired and respected the most.
When I first started this blog, I used to write posts as if they were real messages in the bottle and threw them in the sea … starting Dear … and I wasn't really sure whom I am addressing them to. But I was trying to have a conversation with someone secretly hiding somewhere ( may be M) and hoped he would find my messages and comes for rescue. but he never come and I quit sending the messages.

10 Comments:

  • At 9:43 AM, Blogger Lasto-adri *Blue* said…

    On the contrary when I am friendly, spontaneous and nice to someone that means he is no more than a brother but if he is more than that I am a real disaster.

    Yeaaaah! i am as well.. and thats always misunderstood in the total opposite way i never wish to..
    its just, i hate to show how i feel :S
    what if.... i keep repeeating in my head :S

    and if someone hinted at someone in specific... u know what, i turn to say "i hate the guy" lol,, "he is 5ane2 awi" :D ..
    yalla ba2a.. ahi ayam

     
  • At 6:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I had a secret admirer once, I knew that he admires me but never thought that I will find him waiting and hiding in his car in front of my building waiting for me to go out just to see me for 1 minutes, sending me flower at 8 am on my birthday and call me and don't talk just to hear my voice
    But you know, I had never felt happy for this, I used to cry when I knew that he is doing something for me..I used to feel so guilty cause I couldn't admire him back and hated him for the guiltiness feeling I had because of him.
    But now, am so grateful for him and his sweet feelings for me and sometimes I think why I didn't admire him at least for his admiration to me..I was busy loving A who I remember every time you mention your M!!
    I miss him and miss these old days.

     
  • At 7:10 AM, Blogger Hechkok said…

    yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
    the same problem I am facing in my life these days. We were lovely friends and then every thing changed in a fast way and this is exactly what happened to her being friends made her act normally but being lovers made her someone strange to me , she is afraid of showing her feelings and she do so in a very srange way untill I got freeked.
    About secret admiration, I think we all passed with this phase in our lives I think it reflects our concept of love cause once we thought that love could be from only one side.

     
  • At 4:40 PM, Blogger Nesrina said…

    Blue,
    I am glad I am not the only one who dI does that :)
    We don't hate to show our feelings unless we feel secure. so it's ok I guess be careful till at least you are sure the person deserves these feelings.
    3ala ra2yek ahi ayam :D

    Engy,
    Of course it's not nice to be loved from a person you don't have feelings for, it's killing. the guilt feeling is undescribable I know.
    I do miss the old days too and I remember M whenever you mention A too :D

    Hechkok,
    I am so glad that you figured out that may be she is just shy or adapting herself to the new situation ... be patient and give her some time during this transition phase. rabena yewafa2ko :)

     
  • At 5:58 PM, Anonymous Saso0o said…

    u know even its my first time on ur blog & the first post i have ever read 4 u, but i realized that we had alot of things in common
    I always wished 2 have a secret admirer too & may be 4 the same reason too
    so romantic & sensible topic
    thanx nesrina

     
  • At 8:06 AM, Blogger salateenoo said…

    I used to have be a secret admirer when I was in college , can u believe it , I am a secret admirer. Even me cant believe that , coz I was so talkative in the college , I used to have many friends from both genders, but I don’t know what happened to me when I saw that girl. She is not the prettiest girl I have ever seen and she is not so special in anything in college , but I was crazy about her , and what was confusing me that I could not go to talk or to get to know her. I used to look for her over the whole year until she noticed me , and I can swear that her glances were telling me to go and introduce myself for here . but I didn’t know what happened to me concerning this girl , I was so foooool , I didn’t even try to tell any one of my friends to help me in talking wit her, and when I told a friend of mine about this girl she offered to give me a hand in this matter, but guess what I had done , I refused , until the year finished and the next year when I took a decision too know her , I searched for he in the college for one month , but no use , I didn’t find her , then when I asked some girl she was standing with her a lot the last year , she remembered her and told me she transferred because she was not from here , she was from another city .

    And until this moment I don’t know what happened to me , and why I didn’t make any attempt to know here ????

     
  • At 11:20 PM, Blogger a h m a d said…

    when I am friendly, spontaneous and nice to someone that means he is no more than a brother but if he is more than that I am a real disaster.

    Personally, I think a person should take chances/risks. If he/she is so afraid of the consequences, he can simply think of the worst case scenario that can happen to assure himself/herself that even the worst thing should not frighten him. Inno after all, what might happen? No mutual feelings, that's fine, not a big deal. That would still be better than remaining silent and regretting it later.

     
  • At 5:09 AM, Blogger Nesrina said…

    Sasooo,
    I am glad we have things in common, many thanks dear :)

    Salateeno,
    I couldn't believe your story :D, yes I didn't think you would be this kind of secetly admiring someone and never say a word.
    But you know what things happen for a reason and there is something else ... FATE.

    Ahmad,
    You are right but things are different with girls, don't you think.
    Being silent is the only way my friend specially if the girl knows that the feelings are mutual and yet something is holding him back.
    So in this case I believe there will be no regrets.

     
  • At 7:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Come on, did you quit blogging, or your new job is pissing you off and making you busy so that you dun have time to blog!?

     
  • At 7:24 AM, Blogger Nesrina said…

    Tarek,
    No I didn't quit :), it's just the new job is consuming my mind a little. pray for me and wish me luck.
    Thanks ya Tiko :)

     

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